Sounds like you need to have some self reflection. It’s a personal problem for you (even if others can empathize with you) that you’ll have to overcome by yourself. My suggestion would be to take a weekend off from everything; all of your stress, worries, friends, family, everything in your life, and escape. Whether it be through a trip alone, or through video game therapy (my personal favorite) you need some time to reflect on yourself as a person. If you’re truly feeling inept at making personal connections with people, you need to think about how you’re portraying yourself as a person. Maybe you’re a bit too guarded for people? Maybe you need to let down your walls a little. Open your heart to people a bit more, find people with common interests, and really just give it your all every conversation.

Before Junior year of high school, I was exactly everything you described. I’ve been lucky enough to evolve from a social retard into a normally functioning socialite over the course of 5 years. And it won’t be an easy transition. You need to surround yourself around people who will be positive to your evolving personality; maybe even encouraging. People love people, and unless you’re a sociopathic murderer, there must be some redeeming qualities to yourself that people will be drawn to. Figure out your strengths and weaknesses; for example, are you a loyal person? If you’re dating someone, you ought to be. Make plans with people and don’t flake. People flake on you? Not worth your time, move on to the next friend. Are you hilarious? Use that dry sense of humor to win people over. Not funny? Go back to the loyal/personable/dependable friend that they love.

Changing yourself isn’t an easy process, so make yourself mentally ready for the change. I’ll go back to my earlier point, that you need some time for self-reflection. You need to think about your failed friendships, and why they failed. Don’t take all the blame, but don’t also push it all on them. What could you have done to save the friendship(s)? Would it have been worth it? Once you have reflected a bit, a good call to action would be to find a club to join. Not a club person? Maybe hit up a bar with your boyfriend. There’s no shame piggybacking onto friends and networking from there. In fact, that’s the best way to go about it.

Best of luck to you and your endeavors.