The biggest frustration for me as a gay man is trying to find other people who are gay. Trying to find someone to get to know on a romantic level seems nigh impossible.
It really sucks because all of my friends are straight, and don’t understand what I go through every day. Every week. Every month. Every year. I live a life that revolves around preying for men.
Ian Bishop, an ex football player from England, talked about rumors of his sexuality made his sports career a nightmare. Although we’re becoming a progressive country by electing a black president and legalizing gay marriage in some states, the culture war is still very much present. I personally don’t believe it’s a winnable battle, much like the race war on African Americans lives on decades after the Civil Rights movement.
I wasn’t blessed with being born attracted to women. It just wasn’t in the cards for me. I am so envious of straight people, because their dating lives are a cakewalk compared to homosexuals.
Don’t get me wrong, I completely understand the hurdles that straight people have to overcome. Every person is born different, and is equipped with different moods, personalities, and genetics that influence the way they can interact with their preferenced gender.
The difference between straights and gays is that every hurdle that they must overcome, is exemplified for homosexuals. Are you worried that you’re not attractive enough for a girl? Guess what, I’m worried I’m not attractive enough for a guy. A gay guy at that. With only 3.4% of the adult population of America openly identifying themselves as homosexual, that cuts down the number so much; it’s a ridiculous margin. Can you imagine being stuck in a room where half of the people aren’t even your preferred gender, and there’s a 96.6% chance that half of those people aren’t even interested in you?
It really hits home to me every time I go to college parties. There’s nothing more disheartening than seeing guys being able to flirt with girls so easily, and vice-versa. It’s gotten to the point of it being heart breaking. One night I just went home and cried until I couldn’t anymore, because it hurt so much. Why was I born to a life that society has alienated?
I could never do what straight guys do at parties. If they see a girl they find cute, they can go up and talk to her like it’s nothing. If I go up to a guy that I find attractive at a party, I’m hoping for him to be gay in the first place. There’s a constant fear in the back of my mind that if this guy ends up being straight, he can just punch me in the face for even trying to talk to him.
Having that fear of rejection, to the point of physical threat, makes me not want to talk to guys at all. It really shows how flamboyancy is used as a safe measure to attract other gay guys, because we really don’t know 100% sure what a guy’s orientation it’s told to us.
So how do you find love in a culture that isn’t fully accepting of your lifestyle? You seek out other guys; unless you live in a liberal, urban area, you’re stuck with social media. Gays are forced to market themselves to each other as if they’re a piece of meat. We’ve built up a horrible reputation for ourselves by giving prominence to trashy meet-up sites such as Craigslist and Adam4Adam, as well as giving birth to the worst app in gay history.
Not all sites are bad; OkCupid has shown that you can create a dating site that won’t compromise your integrity. The biggest problem of finding people to date through the internet though is you don’t get the same experience. Meeting someone in real life, you’re really able to feel that spark and connection, and move at a more natural pace.
When you meet someone online, there are presumptions, expectations, and you’re placed on a pedestal. Unless you’re very clear about how your relationship evolves with the person, it’s very hard to move along the normal hierarchy of friendship to dating to being steady. I have met every single guy that I’ve dated through an online media, and it kills me to think that I will have to depend on the internet to find another relationship. The whole process ruins the magic of finding someone for yourself, and getting to know them from the ground-up.
I feel that single gays feel so lonely and lost, that’s the main reason why hook-ups and one night stands are so common. You’re trying to find instant relief for your loneliness, so making a quick connection with someone is easier than investing your time into someone who may not even be interesting to you. The chances of you finding another person, who is gay, that matches up to your needs is probably in the thousandth percentile range.
In terms of solutions, I’m not sure if there is one. Unless there’s a huge social media change in gay dating sites, your location is everything. Not only is location important, but so is timing. If you’re not at the right place at the right time, you’re not going to find another gay person to meet.
This culture of having to hunt gays is exhausting though. I feel so guilty about the measures I go to in order to meet people, but I feel like it’s almost a requirement. I would love nothing more than to effortlessly stumble upon a guy,that I could make a connection with.
I’m so lucky to be in a liberal part of this country, and have friends who want nothing more than for me to be happy, but yet I still feel lost in an abyss. My dream is to one day go to a party with friends, and see guys hitting on guys just as much as guys hitting on girls. But then again dreams are for dreamers, and maybe I should just start preying.